Usually, Virginian-Pilot columnist Kerry Dougherty provides keen, and often uncomfortably humorous, insights into what’s happening in the world around us. Usually I enjoy her wit. However, not everyone is correct 100% of the time, and Dougherty misses the mark in her Sunday column entitled, “Sen. Webb has the Right Idea on Military Policy: Don’t Rush.”

About “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, Dougherty writes, “The 17-year-old law essentially says that gays and lesbians can serve in the military as long as they don’t discuss their sexuality. It forbids the brass from digging around for hints of gayness. This may not be the perfect way to accommodate gays in the military, but to some degree, it’s worked.”

No, it really hasn’t. Over 13,000 valuable men and women have been discharged under DADT, over a quarter of a billion dollars has been spent due to the policy, and its arguable that the training time and talent lost due to discharges under the policy has lead to a decrease in military readiness.

Further, Dougherty writes that she supports “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” because she feels people need to speak less about their sex lives. “No one seems to like “don’t ask, don’t tell.” But at the risk of sounding hopelessly oldfashioned, let me suggest that keeping your mouth shut about your sex life is a very civilized idea.  Not just for gays. Not just for the military. This doesn’t mean I think homosexuals should stay in the closet. I don’t. I do believe the world would be a better place if we’d all stop yapping about our personal lives.”

Here’s where Dougherty really misses the point, and this is perhaps the main point missed by many who rally against repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, or gay marriage, or gay adoption. Being gay isn’t just about sex, just as being straight isn’t just about sex. DADT isn’t really about talking about one’s sex life. It’s about relationships. Imagine a straight soldier being told that he could be discharged for mentioning his wife and kids. Does Dougherty suggest that this constitutes something that people should be forced to keep their mouths shut about? Our important relationships?

What’s at the heart of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is the ability to be honest. Personally, I’m not a fan of “locker room talk”. I don’t want to hear about the personal liaison’s of others. However, I don’t feel any member of our armed forces should fear accidentally slipping and using “he” or “she” instead of the gender ambiguous “they” when speaking about someone they love.

Oh, and least I forget, both Dougherty and Webb seem not to understand the actual legislation,which was a compromise giving a legal avenue for the Department of Defense and the President to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” once the study that some (including Webb) are clamouring about has been completed. This compromise places congressional action before, instead of after, the study and certification by the Department of Defense and President. Knowing this, Webb’s reasoning for being the only Democrat not to vote in support of the amendment falls flat. Yet another reason why Senator Webb doesn’t have the “right idea”, Kerry.

UPDATE: Vivian Paige has some more thoughts and information that Dougherty, and Webb, missed.

Related posts:

1. My Letter to Senator Webb Regarding “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”
2. From the State of the Union to action: “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” targeted
3. Virginia Democrats Vote in Support of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Repeal
4. Flip-Flop McCain, and Why He’s Angry